crankyoldman (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
crankyoldman) wrote2010-03-10 11:07 am
crankyoldman) wrote2010-03-10 11:07 am
Fat-Positive: Or Why I Link So Much About It
I've had people ask me why I'm always so on about positive body image, and tend to defend "fat" a lot. I have gotten into really REALLY heated arguments with dudebros over it, and had other women tell me that it's easy for me to say, I'm skinny. And you know, it kind of is. I'm not going to deny that. I'm also not going to deny I've gotten a lot of flack before for being as thin as I am (always from other women, mind, I have never had a man tell me I was too thin, but too small of boobs, however...). But really, getting that kind of flack is nothing compared to what it must be to not be thin, and I recognize this.
Well, the fact is, I am not the average. The average is much curvier than I am. It is this same average that are constantly bombarded with images that tells them they are not good enough. Mixed signals at that. Because I'm not the ideal. I should have a D cup and a bubble butt and six feet tall. I should be unnatural. Want to know how to spot a naturally thin girl? She won't have a D cup. Slim hips, big boobs do not happen on their own very often. And they certainly don't in the proportions of movie stars without a little help.
We live in a day and age where most of us get a pretty hefty caloric intake. The poorer you are, the more likely you are getting a lot of fat in your diet as well (a cheeseburger is cheaper than a salad a lot of times, and more filling). Hunger in America is fed with junk.
Thin is about weakness, perceived or actual. Aristocracies of the past didn't feed their peasants much more than they needed to work because what if they started to think? Being small as I am, I tend to attract men with power issues. My controlling ex-husband used to go on and on about how attractive it was for me to not be a fatty, to be slim and lithe. It is much easier to control someone that is small and quiet. The fact that the longer I was with him the quieter I got is not a coincidence.
Female body ideals are based on control. Controlling how you spend your time, where your thoughts are, and what you spend your money on.
"But what about the hourglass, isn't that considered the most sexy?" A thin hourglass, maybe. How many hourglass movie stars do you see ungirdled? How many porn stars have a stomach that isn't flat and thighs that aren't smooth as butter? Sure, their breasts and asses have to be somewhat large, but that is acceptable fat. God forbid if you carry your weight in your stomach or your thighs. Or that your ankles aren't dainty or your feet are too big.
A woman must not be too muscular, or she's manly. Conversely, a man can't be too short, or too skinny, because he's then a wimp. It's not coincidence that what is rewarded for men is punished in women. By BOTH men and women. This isn't a rant saying that men are at fault; we all are. So many women spend so much time trying to change themselves, and putting down those that aren't changing themselves. We play put-down games comparing who has it worst, instead of sharing our successes.
I'm fat-positive because it would simply be too easy to say I'm singled out, because someone got catty and called me anorexic when there are girls who are actually anorexic because some jackass called them fat. I'm fat-positive because every woman has the right to feel good about herself without being constantly bombarded with images and signals that undermine her feeling good.
It's easy to say feel good about yourself when the only negative comments you get are from dudebros and women who just want to make you weak. As compared to the television, advertisements, clothing all screaming at you that you're too fat. It's easy to say don't let outside influences bother you when the only fix you need is a wonderbra. And denying my privilege that my genetics make me skinny at this point in my life would be folly.
I can only encourage you all to be HEALTHY. Whatever healthy looks like on you. Healthy is beautiful. Healthy has no size and no numbers without association. I'm working on healthy myself, so I'm right there with you. We can all be strong with our curves, or our muscles, or our voices. Even thin can be healthy! But it is not THE healthy.
Whatever you decide to adopt and whatever you decide to reject is your comfort, and I will ALWAYS defend your right to it. Because a beautiful woman is a woman that is comfortable.
Well, the fact is, I am not the average. The average is much curvier than I am. It is this same average that are constantly bombarded with images that tells them they are not good enough. Mixed signals at that. Because I'm not the ideal. I should have a D cup and a bubble butt and six feet tall. I should be unnatural. Want to know how to spot a naturally thin girl? She won't have a D cup. Slim hips, big boobs do not happen on their own very often. And they certainly don't in the proportions of movie stars without a little help.
We live in a day and age where most of us get a pretty hefty caloric intake. The poorer you are, the more likely you are getting a lot of fat in your diet as well (a cheeseburger is cheaper than a salad a lot of times, and more filling). Hunger in America is fed with junk.
Thin is about weakness, perceived or actual. Aristocracies of the past didn't feed their peasants much more than they needed to work because what if they started to think? Being small as I am, I tend to attract men with power issues. My controlling ex-husband used to go on and on about how attractive it was for me to not be a fatty, to be slim and lithe. It is much easier to control someone that is small and quiet. The fact that the longer I was with him the quieter I got is not a coincidence.
Female body ideals are based on control. Controlling how you spend your time, where your thoughts are, and what you spend your money on.
"But what about the hourglass, isn't that considered the most sexy?" A thin hourglass, maybe. How many hourglass movie stars do you see ungirdled? How many porn stars have a stomach that isn't flat and thighs that aren't smooth as butter? Sure, their breasts and asses have to be somewhat large, but that is acceptable fat. God forbid if you carry your weight in your stomach or your thighs. Or that your ankles aren't dainty or your feet are too big.
A woman must not be too muscular, or she's manly. Conversely, a man can't be too short, or too skinny, because he's then a wimp. It's not coincidence that what is rewarded for men is punished in women. By BOTH men and women. This isn't a rant saying that men are at fault; we all are. So many women spend so much time trying to change themselves, and putting down those that aren't changing themselves. We play put-down games comparing who has it worst, instead of sharing our successes.
I'm fat-positive because it would simply be too easy to say I'm singled out, because someone got catty and called me anorexic when there are girls who are actually anorexic because some jackass called them fat. I'm fat-positive because every woman has the right to feel good about herself without being constantly bombarded with images and signals that undermine her feeling good.
It's easy to say feel good about yourself when the only negative comments you get are from dudebros and women who just want to make you weak. As compared to the television, advertisements, clothing all screaming at you that you're too fat. It's easy to say don't let outside influences bother you when the only fix you need is a wonderbra. And denying my privilege that my genetics make me skinny at this point in my life would be folly.
I can only encourage you all to be HEALTHY. Whatever healthy looks like on you. Healthy is beautiful. Healthy has no size and no numbers without association. I'm working on healthy myself, so I'm right there with you. We can all be strong with our curves, or our muscles, or our voices. Even thin can be healthy! But it is not THE healthy.
Whatever you decide to adopt and whatever you decide to reject is your comfort, and I will ALWAYS defend your right to it. Because a beautiful woman is a woman that is comfortable.
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Sexy is an attitude!
See? I listen. =D <3
BTW, our VS started stocking both more D cups AND A cups. And I gave them praise for it.
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Just... any of their bras for me. The demis! In my size! Something with cups that don't smother! Because the girls need to BREATHE!
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I feel for you, even if I have the opposite issue (32A... yeah I know).
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*sigh* I don't know which is worse, being the only girl in fourth grade wearing a bra, or the only girl in ningh grade *not* wearing one. :P
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I think that knowing that none of us will get there without creepily on target genetics or plastic surgery keeps us sane.
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*is amused because being depressed over such things gets SO old*
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(I'm a redhead right not, but it's noooot natural. XD and fading fast. gah, red dye is so hard to hold onto!)
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My husband and I are both Floridian, and we've been in Alaska since late '07, and my female friend IRL at the moment is even more clueless about such things than I am. I wish I could go to a salon and have them do the henna dye, but they'll only use their own products. :(
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And thanks.
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If I was a better seamstress.... I would attack women's clothing right down to the underroos with a vengeance. BTW, I saw your idea further down for corset bras in larger sizes... brilliant idea! Bras should be working for us, not just sitting on our boobs, draining our wallets!
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I'd love to do the same. In fact I want to get a sewing machine and try to make my own line of full-figure petites.
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Ooh~ Yes. Well, and not just the original size of the clothes themselves, but we need more options for tailoring. This off the rack business makes me weep. I lost weight recently, but most of it came off just my waist and arms... so my waist is significantly smaller than my bust and hips. They talk about how everything's made for an "hourglass" figure, but they lie. I've been having to buy shirts to my bust size and dart them. The porportions to most clothes of any department is just dismal and unrealistic. All women are so different. They should all feel comfortable in what they wear.
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Write on. XD
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And I'm personally trying to gain some weight and muscle myself to be in the healthier range, so even if a lot of my friends are on the other scale of losing some, I think we're all in the "want to be healthy and awesome" scale.
I WILL HAVE MY BUFF ARM MUSCLES THAT BOYS USED TO ENVY BACK.
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My best friend is underweight (she has a super-fast metabolism and with her mental health issues sometimes forgets to eat) and is trying to work up to a healthy weight while I'm trying to work down to one.
I wish I could just transplant my fat into her: it'd be gone from me and she'd have something for her system to burn while she's writing and writing away. :P
I dunno if you're a Doctor Who fan, but I'd love to have a controlled Adipose type thing, so way-overweight people can help make fat babies, but not have their entire bodies turned into them. (Oh, sci-fi fantasies.)