crankyoldman | Introspective... the homework is getting to my brain

Ha, alright, so my dynamics prof REALLY remembers me. By luck of the scheduling, I managed to have two classes in the same room--one after the other. At the end of the day, when I'm most tired. This is good, actually. Anyway, so I'm sitting waiting for the next class and my prof starts up a conversation with me. It was nice. I like his dorky California-ness and dorky laught responses to my frank way of answering questions. He also seemed pleased I got a job. It's weird, it's not so much an ego boost (I passed his class with a C, a very hard-earned and almost B type of C, but a C) as much feeling like I'm still sort of in the engineering family. You know, not the favorite child, but the kooky cousin that is from out of town that stayed too long because she sold her car to buy donuts. Something like that. A walking talking What Not to Wear: Engineering Edition or something.

But getting people to snicker and laught dorkily (several of which I don't know, or can hear me, because my voice somewhat projects) is a good sign to me. I think I've gotten back to being myself, entirely. And by being "myself" I don't mean taken steps back on the maturity chain, but like, there are certain core things to a personality. Mine just happens to be frankness and no embarrassment when it comes to my appearance. I suppose that's directly related to confidence, and I think I've got a lot of it back now. Despite things being hard and it taking me a little longer to figure out some things, I really feel like I deserve to be in this program. Maybe not because I'm a supergenius (god lord, I don't even think I'm THAT intelligent, let alone genius) but because of grit. Or something.

Makes me kind of wonder what things some of ya'll have held onto in your personality and stuff. Or are all of you in transitional phases? Considering the wide variety of ages on my f-list, I'm curious. You don't have to answer, though. It'd just be nice.

~Cendri

P.S. Cosplay Wednesday worked, though due to the temperature (that being HOT) I changed my outfit a little after that class. What I got after that was kind of stylish and I'm trying to figure out the camera I checked out so that I can take a picture. We'll see how that goes. It's a pretty camera, though.

P.P.S. This comic is pretty close to my thoughts on the matter. <3

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XD, that comic is great.

And I think your question/discussion idea is interesting, so I will come back to it soon. Right now it's 9:00 and I've still gotta read some Plato, study some Psychology, and watch some House spoilers. >D

I had a rough time in high school and college mostly because I was one of the only kids I knew in the circles I moved in who liked nerdy things like Star Wars and video games. I spent most of my time growing up feeling like the total misfit who obviously had something wrong with her because she liked these things that no one ever heard of. If there had been internet back in those days, I think I might have had an easier childhood, but there wasn't, and everyone else around me was into football and boyfriends and drinking and "normal" stuff.

I've always been fairly confident about myself, so it didn't devastate me as much as it could have, but I have depression, so being ostracized by my peers wasn't the best thing for a growing teenager with mental issues.

Took me a really long time to realize that there really wasn't anything wrong with me and other people had these interests too. Thank God for the internet and anime conventions and LJ. XD

Corey Doctorow wrote a book called Eastern Standard Tribe that had this wonderful diatribe about how the internet lets misfits by location become parts of tribes related to time zone more than anything (because you end up staying up to talk with your friends, or you find a middle ground, etc).

But yeah, with you on the depression thing. At least you didn't decide to get married in the middle of being depressed (guilty. XD SUCH A BAD IDEA)!

I kind of envy kids these days, having such communicative things at their fingertips. I mean, I was on the internets pretty early compared to most, but I really didn't have a place there until I started Deviantart and later got introduced to fanfic.

But hey thanks for philosophizing! I'm realizing more and more than location and having people physically around doesn't matter so much to me, as I'm an introvert (but not asocial, there's a difference!). It just feels a lot better to be an introvert now? I suppose?

I THINK YOU'RE AWESOME DOES THAT COUNT?

~Cendri

I can't imagine how much easier my life as a kid would have been if there had been internet. Just knowing there were other people like me would have been a lifesaver. As for the introvert thing, I used to be a HUGE introvert, to the point of being totally asocial. I also had a lot of self-image issues, not so much my self-esteem as a person, but body image issues. Even a couple of years ago, my Tifa cosplay would have never happened.

Obviously, I'm over that now XD

That book looks really interesting. Hmm, may have to check it out!

I THINK YOU ARE AWESOME TOO OMG

Well, I don't think being on the introverted side is BAD, all it really means is you need alone time to recharge. Which I do. But when it becomes like, crippling, well, then that's something else.

And I get body issues, I mean, you're all awesomely fit and all, but I'm skinny, which has its own body issues too. It's silly! But you looked great. ^^

Well, I liked it alright, Down and Out In The Magic Kingdom was a better one of his, but that book had nice random rants in the middle. XD Doctorow writes like how I think.

~Cendri

...In response to your question, I'd have to say transitional phase, but am settling in, in some good ways. Japan was great for that, but the person I was there is not the person I am now (entirely.)

More specifically, I'm definitely not as romantic as I used to be, but optimism's a harder trait to shake. And your fashionista shots (and the gorgeous skeleton key necklace; thank you~) have inspired me to go more quirky in my dress. Having recently decided on Regina Spektor as a style icon can be troublesome, but it's also a lot of fun. ^_~

Lastly, thank you for the book, too! Russian Lit and I have a troubled background, but I'm starting your book of stories with an open mind. ♥

Yeah, Russian Lit is like that. XD Glad to hear the package got to you!

Hey, better Regina Spektor than say, an Olsen twin.

~Cendri

Introspective... the homework is getting to my brain

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