This is engineering.

It's over. Almost had a minor breakdown last night after my last "real" final. I just... I am full of angst over it all right now. If I end up failing thermo again over that final being over bullshit, I might just wig out. In an attempt not to be a complete whiny whiner, I've tried to keep school complaints to a minimum; they still happened, but we all need to let off steam. But to put it in perspective, this was probably the single hardest semester I've had since starting college, and what really made it hard was a lot of my friends that I would study with had graduated on me. "But you should be able to do it on your own!" Well, some parts you can, others you can't. Especially in classes like Aerodynamics where I was not only trying to get help out of a professor that didn't want to teach, but also dealing with high averages, like in my Dynamics class (which I actually LIKED, but it was a graduate level class, and in grad school, a C is failing). And I even had friends in Dynamics.

Honestly kids, don't go into engineering unless you are 100% sure you won't die from stress. If you have a heart condition too. XD

( a dilemma )

I mean, I'm calming down now, because I'm remembering WHY I did this. Why instead of picking something I could do without thinking (I love and respect you liberal arts majors, really, but your disciplines are so intuitive to me that I can slack off majorly without repercussion. This doesn't make me smarter.) I picked something that I had to work at. It's because deep down, I love science, I love discovery, but I like science at its most practical. I love science that I can see, and touch and smell. I love science that turns math into something so amazing that it literally brings me to tears. I love that now, after so many years, when I hear people talking about certain things casually, or someone's car breaks down or someone has a question, I know the methods, the ways, the feel for it that I can answer.

It's like being sorceress, in a way. There is real magic to it. Understanding, and I mean understanding the laws of the universe really turns it on its head. Hell, I went into college as an athiest, and I'd say I'm pretty spiritualist now.

I only wish everyone could find their passions so firmly. And with less trouble. XD Maybe it's the trouble that makes it worth it. It's more than just wanting to show up snotty professors now. It's wanting to create. Be it writer, engineer, or artist, we are all in the same boat, I suppose. Just I had to go swim outside it for a while and hope I didn't drown. In keeping with metaphor.

tl;dr: Holy shit, I think I just went through the five stages of grief in an LJ entry.

~Cendri

In non-engineering news

- I think that just about every girl has some element they can relate to in these quotes from the book Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: How The Quest for Perfection is Harming Young Women by Courtney Martin. I actually REALLY want this book now. No, not everything applies (like, I have a very good relationship with my dad, I'm actually closer to him than my mother, and my family dynamic is a little different than some), but even if it doesn't apply entirely to you, you know someone. I was touched.

( cut because I spam, sorry! )