![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
crankyoldmanSo, I had a pretty good time at a costume party last night, pictures of the costume to come later. I went to a primarily nerd gathering as it turned out, and quite a few of the costumes were the sorts of things you see at conventions or nerdly injokes. There was a Black Butler group, a representation of several Treks (some Original Series, some New Trek, DS9 Bajorans, a Captain Janeway), A JOAN FUCKING HOLLOWAY WITH A PEN NECKLACE, and more ninjas than I can shake a stick at. There were also a couple completely tasteless costumes, because well, some types of nerds have utterly no self-awareness or sense of propriety.
As you can imagine, I was mostly nerding out! And I got recognized by a couple of really cute girls in my Hades costume and yay, good time!
Of course, there was a downside. The downside was The Girl Thing.
Having worked in a largely egalitarian company and being in a largely female dominated fandom as long as I have, I sometimes forget the awkwardness of the heterosexual nerd when faced with a female that will actually sit and talk to them for a while. And were this any other type of gathering I probably would have equally been talking to men and women; but unfortunately most of the women were very shy, and I'm observant enough to notice when a woman has a hard time talking to a stranger and wants out of a conversation. So I ended up talking with a lot of guys, usually mostly about the craft that went into their costume (there were some pretty intricate ones) or some other nerdly subject. And this was fine for me, I go to parties to have some fun, meet some different people, and be social.
One thing I wish I didn't have to hear for the rest of my freaking life is the phrase, "it's too bad you're a lesbian". Because really? It isn't. It obviously is working for me.
It's a really selfish and assuming thing to tell me. Because what they're really saying is, "it's too bad you're a lesbian because you have an excuse to not sleep with me". When in all reality, if I were hetero, there's still a likely chance I still wouldn't want to sleep with them. But even beyond that, it really pings me out of a conversation because it puts me back in the place where my attractiveness as a female is obviously my most important attribute, and whatever we were talking about is merely part of my attractiveness package.
I'm not the girl, I'm a girl. Is it really too much to fucking ask to be treated like any other dude at a party? Particularly one that is obviously a more platonic type gathering, not a junior high boy/girl party? Come on guys, you're old enough to know better.
I'm not even offended by guys thinking I'm attractive. It's their business. It surprises me sometimes, but hey, it happens. And I've been told I was attractive without it coming out creepy before. And some guys? Are just better off not broaching the subject at all, which is also understandable. I've had foot in mouth issues myself before.
But do not make your attraction my problem. Don't assume just because we like some of the same things that means we're soulmates or I obviously am going to fall madly for your in-depth knowledge of a subject (and romantic comedies? can we stop perpetuating this myth?).
It's really getting frustrating. I just want to talk about video games and costuming and engineering stuff without some guy getting all weird with me. I just want to be treated like a human being, not a token or a prize.
Anyway, just had to get that off my chest. I'll deal. There are much worse things, I just heard it a couple times last night (yeah, not just once and that exact phrase), and I knew I'd be less annoyed if I ranted. XD
As you can imagine, I was mostly nerding out! And I got recognized by a couple of really cute girls in my Hades costume and yay, good time!
Of course, there was a downside. The downside was The Girl Thing.
Having worked in a largely egalitarian company and being in a largely female dominated fandom as long as I have, I sometimes forget the awkwardness of the heterosexual nerd when faced with a female that will actually sit and talk to them for a while. And were this any other type of gathering I probably would have equally been talking to men and women; but unfortunately most of the women were very shy, and I'm observant enough to notice when a woman has a hard time talking to a stranger and wants out of a conversation. So I ended up talking with a lot of guys, usually mostly about the craft that went into their costume (there were some pretty intricate ones) or some other nerdly subject. And this was fine for me, I go to parties to have some fun, meet some different people, and be social.
One thing I wish I didn't have to hear for the rest of my freaking life is the phrase, "it's too bad you're a lesbian". Because really? It isn't. It obviously is working for me.
It's a really selfish and assuming thing to tell me. Because what they're really saying is, "it's too bad you're a lesbian because you have an excuse to not sleep with me". When in all reality, if I were hetero, there's still a likely chance I still wouldn't want to sleep with them. But even beyond that, it really pings me out of a conversation because it puts me back in the place where my attractiveness as a female is obviously my most important attribute, and whatever we were talking about is merely part of my attractiveness package.
I'm not the girl, I'm a girl. Is it really too much to fucking ask to be treated like any other dude at a party? Particularly one that is obviously a more platonic type gathering, not a junior high boy/girl party? Come on guys, you're old enough to know better.
I'm not even offended by guys thinking I'm attractive. It's their business. It surprises me sometimes, but hey, it happens. And I've been told I was attractive without it coming out creepy before. And some guys? Are just better off not broaching the subject at all, which is also understandable. I've had foot in mouth issues myself before.
But do not make your attraction my problem. Don't assume just because we like some of the same things that means we're soulmates or I obviously am going to fall madly for your in-depth knowledge of a subject (and romantic comedies? can we stop perpetuating this myth?).
It's really getting frustrating. I just want to talk about video games and costuming and engineering stuff without some guy getting all weird with me. I just want to be treated like a human being, not a token or a prize.
Anyway, just had to get that off my chest. I'll deal. There are much worse things, I just heard it a couple times last night (yeah, not just once and that exact phrase), and I knew I'd be less annoyed if I ranted. XD
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-01 02:15 am (UTC)PREACH IT SISTER.
I have learned to be veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery careful who I confess my anime/video game habits to. >>;
Then again, it's fun to watch all the little college boys go from Zero to Repulsed when they figure out I way older than they are (and will not be buying them beer).