[fic] Fathers and Daugthers
Feb. 19th, 2008 04:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
crankyoldmanFandom: FF7:BC
Characters/Pairings: Felicia, Veld/Tifa
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Spoilers for Before Crisis, though I'm sure everyone knows this particular spoiler.
Summary: The love of a person's life wasn't always the romantic sort. And Tifa finally understand the ever after.
Notes: Set after "Under the Mother Eyes of the Costan Sky" which also manages some interesting parental stuff. Probably explains more about why certain May/December type things bother me while others I find adorable. I've had this sitting in my WIP folder since FOREVER, so I am glad to have finally finished it.
It was definitely his daughter.
The similarity was in the posture; straight as a board, but not stiff. It was a proud kind of posture, but not arrogant. There were other similarities too, almost striking. They had the same kind of hair which was messy but managed to look intentional, and the same kind of neutral expression. She even dressed a bit like him; conservative but not dowdy. The kind of woman that knew she had a figure but didn't like to announce it.
Oh, Tifa had heard of her. Only she wasn't called Felicia then and she'd been more of a reputation and story than anything. It had taken her to realize that the woman in the file that was Veld's daughter was the Elfe. Lots of girls had taken up the name after the first AVALANCHE had gone up in smoke. Slum girls especially were prone to taking beautiful and unsuitable names.
Veld couldn't really talk about Felicia with her. Maybe it was because it reminded him of how young she was--how many men could be living with a woman younger than their daughter and not make it sleazy?--but really, she thought it was because his failures as a father haunted him more than any kind of killing or lying or cheating. It was good to see that there was something in all those years that reminded him that he was in fact human.
The inhuman act was all bravado anyway, she'd learned.
---
Tifa,
If you must know anything about people my age, it is that much of our early lives were defined by a war. Some of us were defined by the fact it was in a far off land; others were there. I suppose you can probably guess which group I fall into. Over the years I have come to accept I was not born from or in it, but simply carried to it by some will that I have never understood. Beyond that, though, I can safely say it was all choice and decision. I suppose that makes me rather a bit of a villain in all this.
People your age, even you who have a tendency to trick me sometimes into thinking otherwise, you were born of something far more disorganized. The second war was not a war at all like the first. It was a conflict of sensibilities, and it was fought within the homes. In some ways, it makes you all the more strong and all the more vulnerable.
I hope this can help continue our correspondence, as we now have a firmer foundation of understanding. At least that was the intent.
V.M. Dragoon
---
He hadn't told or written much about her, except to say that she'd asked to visit. Tifa had been sitting in a rocking chair, pulling out interesting tidbits from a sewing guide to amuse him whe the phonecall had happened. She knew immediately it had to be one of them, and which one it was because all the others were dead. Veld seemed pleased and slightly frightened at the same time, which was something she had never seen before.
Still, Tifa had an awful lot of letter from him by now. She wrote back, because despite living with him there was some gaps still left. And sometimes she still got angry at him. But at long as he cared enough to respond to her anger, and kept writing her letters about whatever they couldn't speak about, it was something.
Veld would eventually write her a little about his daughter. For now, though, they were sitting in the last restaurant in Costa that wasn't full of tourists.
"So what did you want to talk about?" They'd kept up a spare chit-chat for a while now, and Tifa could tell Veld was getting impatient. Which was strange, because few things made him impatient, as she'd tried to test it a few times.
Felicia had grace, but lacked charisma. It was strange because Tifa had figured that any child Veld would have had would have enough charm to get anything she wanted.
"I... I wanted to talk to you alone."
He set down his glass of iced tea rather authoritatively. "Tifa will not judge you."
She had to give him credit; he could still be rather unpredictable when he wanted to be.
Felicia scrunched her eyebrows together, and Tifa could picture her as a somewhat difficult seven year old. "I've been trying to figure out why Dad. I don't want to yell at you anymore, either. But I want a straight answer."
"That's a very big question that covers quite a lot of things. You'll have to give me somewhere to start."
---
Veld,
I don't think you give enough credit to the types of things that have been good in your experiences. I've learned that optimism doesn't really have a place, but hope, well, it's something completely different.
One thing I remembered best was a promise. After a while, that promise became a sort of philosophy to me. A silly thing said by someone that wasn't even sure why they were saying it. Broken promises hurt, but the fact someone is willing to make a promise they want to keep has a lot of worth.
I think the one thing that defines people like you is that you don't make promises lightly. And when you break them... I think it scars you more than anything else could. You've broken a lot of promises, haven't you?
~ Tifa
---
Felicia glanced over at her, sizing her up. Tifa knew enough about reading people to know the expression meant why are you still here? but she also knew enough that her answer would be, because he asked me to. From the all too calm way he folded his hands in front of him on the table, Tifa guessed it was because he wanted support.
He wanted a witness.
"Why did you wait so long?"
It was clearly the question he was hoping she wouldn't ask. "To find you?"
"Yeah."
Veld gave up all pretense of calm and ran his hand through his hair. "Before it was too early for me to accept it. But when I was given proof that you were alive... I... I decided I was going to do it right, for once."
Oh she frowned. "You were tired of messing up? That's--"
"Not everyone is given the chance to choose what's right all the time."
"And out of all your mistakes, which did you want to undo the most?"
He was quite proud of his daughter. "Not being there to walk with you on your first day of school."
"That's it?"
"That's it."
"But..."
"Because if I had, I probably never would have let myself farther from you than a few buildings."
---
Miss Lockheart,
It was never breaking promises that was the problem, but the taboo of breaking them. That is one thing that people your age seem not to have had the pleasure of dealing with. Taboos. I am sure there are some things you did not hesitate on, where I would be given to pausing. It required a lot of rationalization sometimes, euphemisims, ways of detaching the self from the actual taboo to fulfill what was needed.
I think this means I have as fair a chance of letting you down as anyone else. But I think you are past that kind of idealism, and I am past attempting to give you any kind of false comfort.
The only promises we should be making are to have the decency to say goodbye, should it come to that.
V.M. Dragoon
---
Tifa could feel bad for the professional liars. Maybe it was the fact that the professional and personal were separate in her mind. But maybe it had more to do with the fact that professional liars merely couldn't say the truth, they had to prove it, pledge it, write it on the wall.
Of course, Tifa always believed that even certain things could always be transcended. No matter what sort of things might have happened in her life, she would always forgive her parents. Because she'd learned they were as human and messed up as she was, only they had the added burden of her expectations.
"...I'm sorry, dad."
Everything was not alright, but the fact of the matter was, Veld was Felicia's father and things like that didn't just go away. Even if the world threatened to end. Or maybe because of it.
"You grew up quite well despite me, that's more than I could ask for."
Any worries about any sort of substitution evaporated there, because while some people were subtle in their expressions, Veld could let just about anything show in his face given the right moment. Tifa was younger than his daughter because they couldn't handle anyone in their own generations anymore. She was younger than his daughter because it was a natural sort of movie pop culture code; even if she had premature crow's feet and he always had to keep an eye on his blood pressure.
Aeris would probably have a few choice words about the situation, though. Some very choice words.
Felicia smiled like her father. "Oh, so now you approve of the 'vagrants and ruffians' I call my friends?"
"Not in the slightest. But you're old enough to make your own choices."
"And you're old enough to help get me a girlfriend."
Surprise was always going to be her favorite expression.
---
Veld,
Silly old coot. You can't let me down. This is the happy ending that they cut us out of, remember? Besides, I think I might have learned how to say stop. Or use my ability to knock a grown man unconscious.
~Tifa
---
Felicia didn't stay the night, but they both expected it that way. His daughter had made a point to her adulthood, and to sit on the porch and listen to stories would soften that. They had a better image of the now and he had...
"So how does closure feel?"
Of course they were on the porch, listening to the sand bugs and enjoying the bit of cool air that happened in this season. He'd been quiet, but not in a way that bothered her. No, he was simply letting it all make sense. Working it out.
"It would be very hard to describe."
"To me?"
"Especially to you."
It wasn't an insult. If Veld insulted, he did it straight up. She liked to think it was her influence, the sound of her gloves in the when she trained in the mornings pounded a little of the genteel phrasings out of him. Or maybe that was what he did with people he was really comfortable with--went back to that rough and tumble kid he must have been.
"She upset you the most, didn't she? Out of any of them, it was Felicia that did you in the worst."
He leaned into her a little. "Your father was killed, right?"
She blinked. "Yes. But you'd know that already."
"You lived, and he didn't. How did that make you feel?"
Tifa fumbled, because that was what she did sometimes when she didn't expect something. "Angry? Sad. Determined."
"Now think if you had been discovered by my side instead of the one you ended up on."
A certain psychologist had once stated that all girls really wanted their fathers. When she'd heard that, she'd been repulsed, because that wasn't how it was at all. Sure, girls that had good fathers always hoped they could find someone as good as them. And people were supposed to become mothers and fathers themselves. But those people that were truly good parents and good daughters and sons knew that there was a kind of love from their parents that once lost, could never be returned.
"I'd have looked good in the suit," she joked, because the point had been made. No reason to keep dwelling. This was the ever after, you didn't worry about every little thing unless you wanted to go senile.
He smiled in agreement.
---
Tifa,
I would like to see you try and knock me unconscious. I may be old, but I was getting into fights before you were a twinkle in your father's eye.
Veld
Characters/Pairings: Felicia, Veld/Tifa
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Spoilers for Before Crisis, though I'm sure everyone knows this particular spoiler.
Summary: The love of a person's life wasn't always the romantic sort. And Tifa finally understand the ever after.
Notes: Set after "Under the Mother Eyes of the Costan Sky" which also manages some interesting parental stuff. Probably explains more about why certain May/December type things bother me while others I find adorable. I've had this sitting in my WIP folder since FOREVER, so I am glad to have finally finished it.
It was definitely his daughter.
The similarity was in the posture; straight as a board, but not stiff. It was a proud kind of posture, but not arrogant. There were other similarities too, almost striking. They had the same kind of hair which was messy but managed to look intentional, and the same kind of neutral expression. She even dressed a bit like him; conservative but not dowdy. The kind of woman that knew she had a figure but didn't like to announce it.
Oh, Tifa had heard of her. Only she wasn't called Felicia then and she'd been more of a reputation and story than anything. It had taken her to realize that the woman in the file that was Veld's daughter was the Elfe. Lots of girls had taken up the name after the first AVALANCHE had gone up in smoke. Slum girls especially were prone to taking beautiful and unsuitable names.
Veld couldn't really talk about Felicia with her. Maybe it was because it reminded him of how young she was--how many men could be living with a woman younger than their daughter and not make it sleazy?--but really, she thought it was because his failures as a father haunted him more than any kind of killing or lying or cheating. It was good to see that there was something in all those years that reminded him that he was in fact human.
The inhuman act was all bravado anyway, she'd learned.
---
Tifa,
If you must know anything about people my age, it is that much of our early lives were defined by a war. Some of us were defined by the fact it was in a far off land; others were there. I suppose you can probably guess which group I fall into. Over the years I have come to accept I was not born from or in it, but simply carried to it by some will that I have never understood. Beyond that, though, I can safely say it was all choice and decision. I suppose that makes me rather a bit of a villain in all this.
People your age, even you who have a tendency to trick me sometimes into thinking otherwise, you were born of something far more disorganized. The second war was not a war at all like the first. It was a conflict of sensibilities, and it was fought within the homes. In some ways, it makes you all the more strong and all the more vulnerable.
I hope this can help continue our correspondence, as we now have a firmer foundation of understanding. At least that was the intent.
V.M. Dragoon
---
He hadn't told or written much about her, except to say that she'd asked to visit. Tifa had been sitting in a rocking chair, pulling out interesting tidbits from a sewing guide to amuse him whe the phonecall had happened. She knew immediately it had to be one of them, and which one it was because all the others were dead. Veld seemed pleased and slightly frightened at the same time, which was something she had never seen before.
Still, Tifa had an awful lot of letter from him by now. She wrote back, because despite living with him there was some gaps still left. And sometimes she still got angry at him. But at long as he cared enough to respond to her anger, and kept writing her letters about whatever they couldn't speak about, it was something.
Veld would eventually write her a little about his daughter. For now, though, they were sitting in the last restaurant in Costa that wasn't full of tourists.
"So what did you want to talk about?" They'd kept up a spare chit-chat for a while now, and Tifa could tell Veld was getting impatient. Which was strange, because few things made him impatient, as she'd tried to test it a few times.
Felicia had grace, but lacked charisma. It was strange because Tifa had figured that any child Veld would have had would have enough charm to get anything she wanted.
"I... I wanted to talk to you alone."
He set down his glass of iced tea rather authoritatively. "Tifa will not judge you."
She had to give him credit; he could still be rather unpredictable when he wanted to be.
Felicia scrunched her eyebrows together, and Tifa could picture her as a somewhat difficult seven year old. "I've been trying to figure out why Dad. I don't want to yell at you anymore, either. But I want a straight answer."
"That's a very big question that covers quite a lot of things. You'll have to give me somewhere to start."
---
Veld,
I don't think you give enough credit to the types of things that have been good in your experiences. I've learned that optimism doesn't really have a place, but hope, well, it's something completely different.
One thing I remembered best was a promise. After a while, that promise became a sort of philosophy to me. A silly thing said by someone that wasn't even sure why they were saying it. Broken promises hurt, but the fact someone is willing to make a promise they want to keep has a lot of worth.
I think the one thing that defines people like you is that you don't make promises lightly. And when you break them... I think it scars you more than anything else could. You've broken a lot of promises, haven't you?
~ Tifa
---
Felicia glanced over at her, sizing her up. Tifa knew enough about reading people to know the expression meant why are you still here? but she also knew enough that her answer would be, because he asked me to. From the all too calm way he folded his hands in front of him on the table, Tifa guessed it was because he wanted support.
He wanted a witness.
"Why did you wait so long?"
It was clearly the question he was hoping she wouldn't ask. "To find you?"
"Yeah."
Veld gave up all pretense of calm and ran his hand through his hair. "Before it was too early for me to accept it. But when I was given proof that you were alive... I... I decided I was going to do it right, for once."
Oh she frowned. "You were tired of messing up? That's--"
"Not everyone is given the chance to choose what's right all the time."
"And out of all your mistakes, which did you want to undo the most?"
He was quite proud of his daughter. "Not being there to walk with you on your first day of school."
"That's it?"
"That's it."
"But..."
"Because if I had, I probably never would have let myself farther from you than a few buildings."
---
Miss Lockheart,
It was never breaking promises that was the problem, but the taboo of breaking them. That is one thing that people your age seem not to have had the pleasure of dealing with. Taboos. I am sure there are some things you did not hesitate on, where I would be given to pausing. It required a lot of rationalization sometimes, euphemisims, ways of detaching the self from the actual taboo to fulfill what was needed.
I think this means I have as fair a chance of letting you down as anyone else. But I think you are past that kind of idealism, and I am past attempting to give you any kind of false comfort.
The only promises we should be making are to have the decency to say goodbye, should it come to that.
V.M. Dragoon
---
Tifa could feel bad for the professional liars. Maybe it was the fact that the professional and personal were separate in her mind. But maybe it had more to do with the fact that professional liars merely couldn't say the truth, they had to prove it, pledge it, write it on the wall.
Of course, Tifa always believed that even certain things could always be transcended. No matter what sort of things might have happened in her life, she would always forgive her parents. Because she'd learned they were as human and messed up as she was, only they had the added burden of her expectations.
"...I'm sorry, dad."
Everything was not alright, but the fact of the matter was, Veld was Felicia's father and things like that didn't just go away. Even if the world threatened to end. Or maybe because of it.
"You grew up quite well despite me, that's more than I could ask for."
Any worries about any sort of substitution evaporated there, because while some people were subtle in their expressions, Veld could let just about anything show in his face given the right moment. Tifa was younger than his daughter because they couldn't handle anyone in their own generations anymore. She was younger than his daughter because it was a natural sort of movie pop culture code; even if she had premature crow's feet and he always had to keep an eye on his blood pressure.
Aeris would probably have a few choice words about the situation, though. Some very choice words.
Felicia smiled like her father. "Oh, so now you approve of the 'vagrants and ruffians' I call my friends?"
"Not in the slightest. But you're old enough to make your own choices."
"And you're old enough to help get me a girlfriend."
Surprise was always going to be her favorite expression.
---
Veld,
Silly old coot. You can't let me down. This is the happy ending that they cut us out of, remember? Besides, I think I might have learned how to say stop. Or use my ability to knock a grown man unconscious.
~Tifa
---
Felicia didn't stay the night, but they both expected it that way. His daughter had made a point to her adulthood, and to sit on the porch and listen to stories would soften that. They had a better image of the now and he had...
"So how does closure feel?"
Of course they were on the porch, listening to the sand bugs and enjoying the bit of cool air that happened in this season. He'd been quiet, but not in a way that bothered her. No, he was simply letting it all make sense. Working it out.
"It would be very hard to describe."
"To me?"
"Especially to you."
It wasn't an insult. If Veld insulted, he did it straight up. She liked to think it was her influence, the sound of her gloves in the when she trained in the mornings pounded a little of the genteel phrasings out of him. Or maybe that was what he did with people he was really comfortable with--went back to that rough and tumble kid he must have been.
"She upset you the most, didn't she? Out of any of them, it was Felicia that did you in the worst."
He leaned into her a little. "Your father was killed, right?"
She blinked. "Yes. But you'd know that already."
"You lived, and he didn't. How did that make you feel?"
Tifa fumbled, because that was what she did sometimes when she didn't expect something. "Angry? Sad. Determined."
"Now think if you had been discovered by my side instead of the one you ended up on."
A certain psychologist had once stated that all girls really wanted their fathers. When she'd heard that, she'd been repulsed, because that wasn't how it was at all. Sure, girls that had good fathers always hoped they could find someone as good as them. And people were supposed to become mothers and fathers themselves. But those people that were truly good parents and good daughters and sons knew that there was a kind of love from their parents that once lost, could never be returned.
"I'd have looked good in the suit," she joked, because the point had been made. No reason to keep dwelling. This was the ever after, you didn't worry about every little thing unless you wanted to go senile.
He smiled in agreement.
---
Tifa,
I would like to see you try and knock me unconscious. I may be old, but I was getting into fights before you were a twinkle in your father's eye.
Veld
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-19 09:11 pm (UTC)I love how you write happily ever after because they feel so nice. Maybe not all tidied up but then nice things usual aren’t. Everything in this story felt so well placed the letter, the little bits of humor, all of the lines so to speak. Tifa’s insights into Veld are always seems so warm. It made me smile.
As you know more about BC than I do, wasn’t Veld with Elfe during the five year gap or was he else where trying to save her, because I wasn’t sure and I’ve been a bit curious.
Also, Veld is more than a bit of a villain. ;p
I half want to ask for a story with Aeris reactions but at the same time they kind of feel like on of those bet left to the imagination sort of things.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-19 09:23 pm (UTC)At least, that's how I would see it.
Oh, he's more than a bit of a villain. He's good at understatement. XD And I have been half tempted to write down some of Aeris's "choice words" because there would be several, considering her perceptions of both Tifa and Veld.
Really, I just wanted an excuse to play with the fact Tifa is younger than Elfe and poke at a slight taboo and not squick anybody out.
~Cendri
(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-19 09:51 pm (UTC)Elfe and Veld seems like it would be interesting, based on the little bits and pieces I know of her, she’s no saint herself so how she views her reasons for her own sins would effected a lot of the relationship. If she’s the whitewashed brainwashed type or considers herself to be then she could mistake a similar mentality on Veld’s actions, especially if this Veld shares a similar back-story to Psychobabble Veld because then she’d have some bases for her belief. Anyway, it’s kind of fascinating to consider the possibilities.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-19 10:43 pm (UTC)I think that my favorite part of this is the fact that Veld needed a witness. It was so wonderful.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-20 01:29 am (UTC)I really, really, really loved the letters that they wrote to each other. Did I read that quite right and they wrote each other letters ... when they were in the same place? Not distance letters - just 'things we can't say outloud' letters. Because if that's what you just wrote, I think I'm mildly in love with, well, ALL of that concept (I could ramble about how AWESOME that is but you've heard that sort of thing before from me. Likely several times.)
Also? I loved how much the letters said about them as people; Veld's were so formal. He signed with his initials and his last name! He actually said: "I hope this can help continue our correspondence, as we now have a firmer foundation of understanding. At least that was the intent."
Contrast that to the very last letter (where he signed his name!!) and I can't help but grin a little like an idiot. Oh, she is very good for him indeed.
Favourite image was probably Tifa enjoying the surprised expression on Veld's face.
Two things left very calm thrums on my heartstring. One was the line about Veld walking Felicia to school (the why of it) and the second was Veld explaining things to Tifa on the porch using an image.
(Tifa did the right thing by making a joke.)
Oh, this does make me want to write more of my Veld.Tifa, if only because the stubborn old man really does need someone to shake him every once in a while.
Lovely, as always.
-T. pirate
(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-20 01:31 am (UTC)I thought it was a cute idea.
~Cendri