Enthuisiam Should Not Be Worrying
Jul. 8th, 2010 03:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
crankyoldmanSo, I've had something niggling at the back of my brain.
Even if you haven't known me long, you realize that I love my job. Even on days when the specific tasks are a little boring, the overall job satisfaction I have is like, 1000x more than any other job I've had. I'm extremely emotionally invested in the success of the products I work on, and the company in general. I haven't been this in love with work and science and everything since I was a kid.
This is actually starting to worry me!
I think that it is a product of having a shitty time at college (I did, there's no way to get around that, I was miserable most of the time) and July 4th having just happened (it's the anniversary of the Very Dramatic Day in which I left my husband, fyi) that I start to have doubts.
Not that I think anything currently is bad. I think I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I don't think many people that know me now know how desperately and passionately I wanted to be an Aerospace Engineer and work on planes and rockets and basically do cool stuff until I died of pure awesome. It was my only career choice since turning 11, and that meant I was going to be at NASA doing NASA things and all that. Then I went to college and realized that only certain types got into NASA, and actually, I kind of hated working with them my enthusiasm died. I assume that not all of NASA is full of the entitled jackasses I had to deal with, but knowing I had to get through those entitled jackasses first was enough to make me just not want to even go for that anymore. And Air Force job didn't last long enough for me to make the contacts to go over their heads. It was depressing.
I'm not any less of an engineer than I wanted to be, but what I'm doing as one is VASTLY different than what college taught me that being one would be. And I love it! It's like being a hyper artistic sort that can say smart things! XD
But I remember getting disappointed at discovering the reality differed so much from my childhood dreams, that now when I have ambition again, and really enjoy things... I worry something will fuck up.
I guess acknowledging that helps, and I'm already feeling better just GETTING IT OUT THERE, so yeah. You can feel personally successful and still have doubts, I guess.
Now back to educational standards. XD
Even if you haven't known me long, you realize that I love my job. Even on days when the specific tasks are a little boring, the overall job satisfaction I have is like, 1000x more than any other job I've had. I'm extremely emotionally invested in the success of the products I work on, and the company in general. I haven't been this in love with work and science and everything since I was a kid.
This is actually starting to worry me!
I think that it is a product of having a shitty time at college (I did, there's no way to get around that, I was miserable most of the time) and July 4th having just happened (it's the anniversary of the Very Dramatic Day in which I left my husband, fyi) that I start to have doubts.
Not that I think anything currently is bad. I think I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I don't think many people that know me now know how desperately and passionately I wanted to be an Aerospace Engineer and work on planes and rockets and basically do cool stuff until I died of pure awesome. It was my only career choice since turning 11, and that meant I was going to be at NASA doing NASA things and all that. Then I went to college and realized that only certain types got into NASA, and actually, I kind of hated working with them my enthusiasm died. I assume that not all of NASA is full of the entitled jackasses I had to deal with, but knowing I had to get through those entitled jackasses first was enough to make me just not want to even go for that anymore. And Air Force job didn't last long enough for me to make the contacts to go over their heads. It was depressing.
I'm not any less of an engineer than I wanted to be, but what I'm doing as one is VASTLY different than what college taught me that being one would be. And I love it! It's like being a hyper artistic sort that can say smart things! XD
But I remember getting disappointed at discovering the reality differed so much from my childhood dreams, that now when I have ambition again, and really enjoy things... I worry something will fuck up.
I guess acknowledging that helps, and I'm already feeling better just GETTING IT OUT THERE, so yeah. You can feel personally successful and still have doubts, I guess.
Now back to educational standards. XD
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-08 09:39 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-08 09:42 pm (UTC)But thanks for kind of backing that up.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-08 09:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-08 11:36 pm (UTC)Half the time I was sitting in front of my computer singing 'stabby stabby stabby stabby stabby' to the tune of whatever was stuck in my head at the time. You did not deserve them jerks. You deserve to be happy.
And I'm really glad that you are.