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crankyoldmanWritten as a parody to this want ad which has shown up all over the nerdsphere. And yes, I like robots. But not enough to work with manboys, as this ad none so subtly implies are the main employees.
This is very obviously skewed towards the fandoms I participate in, which some of you also do. XD
EBCJ Fanficcers is looking to add another member to the team. The optimal applicant will be able to handle very nocturnal hours, lots of cock jokes, and have a diverse skill set (IE: fic exchange matching skills are as good as writing skills), readily find the subtext in anything, and be able to spend over three days breeding chocobos to acquire a Golden Chocobo.
Was Myria of little challenge to you? Do you have a lot of FINISHED fanworks and/or fan dabblings that you created littering your hard drive? Can you be in the zone with Electric Six/RuPaul/Koda Kumi/Boulevard of the Allies/2gether/Beyonce/insert-other-awesome-dance-pop-genius-here blaring from someone's iPod? Did school bore you because your mind was off elsewhere imagining how awesome it would be if your teacher shut up and suddenly you became a Gundam pilot? Do you want to take me to gay bar? Are you willing to burn the midnight oil to meet challenge deadlines? Do you work on epic fanfic not because someone will read it but because you know that everyone needs to know the epic love of Cactuar/Tonberry? Do you want to feel like your stories are making an impact outside of your computer? Do you not want to work in an office? Good we don't have an office. We may not even always have chairs.
Not-the-most-fun-grunt-things-you-will-have-to-do-part-of-the-time-just-like-the-rest-of-the-team - Use spellcheck, beta, sort through reviews written entirely in capslock, deal with shipwars, get stalked by fanboys, answer the same request to "write maor" over 9000 times a year, get a tattoo of Zeromus on your butt...okay not really.Yes really.
Main-duties-we-need-lots-of-help-in-right-now - more porn, more crossovers with porn, an even mix of het/slash/femmeslash, douche cosplays (yes you can wear a pimp hat and really be Locke), running fiction exchanges, participating on DW/LJ, fanservice (removing all the pants), moral support, and in general being a superfan.
The-awesome-stuff-you-can’t-believe-you-spend-all-your-time-doing-that-you-will-get-to-do-if-you-get-your-daily-chores-done - learn everything you ever wanted to know about nanobots and nuclear disarmament, monologue into microphones so that people halfway across the world can hear your thoughts on yaoi, spend months figuring out the perfect conversation tree so you can romance the hot elf AND the thief, cry about fictional people at 3 am, learn tai chi so you can waterbend, and did we mention cosplay? You get to dress up as a cartoon character. It is awesome, in case you were wondering.
You will probably hear a lot of camel noises and jokes for the first six months, but the bright side is eventually you'll start making camel noises too. That's how it works. The other bright side is you get to hang with a lot of weirdoes similarly obsessed with what you are also obsessed with.
Seriously, we party rock while we work, and we have a good time BUT we have intense amounts of shenanigans here and we alldrink write a lot. We get a lot done fast because we simply can't stop the words and we want to bring the most stories. We are not very well known on the internet, but you may have a vague sense of our pennames from somewhere.
We would really like someone who is already familiar with fandom and the general fan community and has already created fanworks, but we are flexible if you just want to be in the walking ruckus. If you haven't created fanworks you should at least have imagined characters making out, or plotted how you would really have ended Blade Runner. Must be enabling and able to be enabled to write crack; we expect you to come up with at least one shot for conventions. A large part of the job will be sending emails back and forth with srs debates, or spamming twitter with pictures of your cat/dog/cactus. So you will need to know how to write in 140 character segments about fannish subjects. This is a sad if you can't do that. Please be ready to take up someone's phone and show the internet what you are made of.
Exact definition of the position is to be determined. We would rather find more people to come hang out and have feelings about a number of fandom issues than give any titles out. Please send writing sample and beer to: cendri@ebcjhasnofucks.com. Yes, we are serious about the beer.
This is very obviously skewed towards the fandoms I participate in, which some of you also do. XD
EBCJ Fanficcers is looking to add another member to the team. The optimal applicant will be able to handle very nocturnal hours, lots of cock jokes, and have a diverse skill set (IE: fic exchange matching skills are as good as writing skills), readily find the subtext in anything, and be able to spend over three days breeding chocobos to acquire a Golden Chocobo.
Was Myria of little challenge to you? Do you have a lot of FINISHED fanworks and/or fan dabblings that you created littering your hard drive? Can you be in the zone with Electric Six/RuPaul/Koda Kumi/Boulevard of the Allies/2gether/Beyonce/insert-other-awesome-dance-pop-genius-here blaring from someone's iPod? Did school bore you because your mind was off elsewhere imagining how awesome it would be if your teacher shut up and suddenly you became a Gundam pilot? Do you want to take me to gay bar? Are you willing to burn the midnight oil to meet challenge deadlines? Do you work on epic fanfic not because someone will read it but because you know that everyone needs to know the epic love of Cactuar/Tonberry? Do you want to feel like your stories are making an impact outside of your computer? Do you not want to work in an office? Good we don't have an office. We may not even always have chairs.
Not-the-most-fun-grunt-things-you-will-have-to-do-part-of-the-time-just-like-the-rest-of-the-team - Use spellcheck, beta, sort through reviews written entirely in capslock, deal with shipwars, get stalked by fanboys, answer the same request to "write maor" over 9000 times a year, get a tattoo of Zeromus on your butt...okay not really.
Main-duties-we-need-lots-of-help-in-right-now - more porn, more crossovers with porn, an even mix of het/slash/femmeslash, douche cosplays (yes you can wear a pimp hat and really be Locke), running fiction exchanges, participating on DW/LJ, fanservice (removing all the pants), moral support, and in general being a superfan.
The-awesome-stuff-you-can’t-believe-you-spend-all-your-time-doing-that-you-will-get-to-do-if-you-get-your-daily-chores-done - learn everything you ever wanted to know about nanobots and nuclear disarmament, monologue into microphones so that people halfway across the world can hear your thoughts on yaoi, spend months figuring out the perfect conversation tree so you can romance the hot elf AND the thief, cry about fictional people at 3 am, learn tai chi so you can waterbend, and did we mention cosplay? You get to dress up as a cartoon character. It is awesome, in case you were wondering.
You will probably hear a lot of camel noises and jokes for the first six months, but the bright side is eventually you'll start making camel noises too. That's how it works. The other bright side is you get to hang with a lot of weirdoes similarly obsessed with what you are also obsessed with.
Seriously, we party rock while we work, and we have a good time BUT we have intense amounts of shenanigans here and we all
We would really like someone who is already familiar with fandom and the general fan community and has already created fanworks, but we are flexible if you just want to be in the walking ruckus. If you haven't created fanworks you should at least have imagined characters making out, or plotted how you would really have ended Blade Runner. Must be enabling and able to be enabled to write crack; we expect you to come up with at least one shot for conventions. A large part of the job will be sending emails back and forth with srs debates, or spamming twitter with pictures of your cat/dog/cactus. So you will need to know how to write in 140 character segments about fannish subjects. This is a sad if you can't do that. Please be ready to take up someone's phone and show the internet what you are made of.
Exact definition of the position is to be determined. We would rather find more people to come hang out and have feelings about a number of fandom issues than give any titles out. Please send writing sample and beer to: cendri@ebcjhasnofucks.com. Yes, we are serious about the beer.