The Only Identity is You

[crankyoldman]

I am kind of over being policed on how I should appear.

I've had an issue recently where people keep telling me I "don't look gay" because I'm going through something of a long-haired skirt wearing period. More femme. I still tend towards boyish clothing/accessories as a default, but I've expanded my options, which is something I like to do. And you know, it kind of doesn't matter why I'm feeling like this lately, or looking like this.

It kind of baffles me a lot though, because I am supposedly living in a fairly liberal part of town, working in a office where being out isn't only acknowledge, but encouraged, and I hear this more than I ever did in college. From other GLBT people as often as from straight people.

Who decided what gay looks like, anyway?

I've always taken a stance on identity that it's not up to me to define someone. Really, it's not. I can define my relationship to them, or my opinion of them, but their identity? Is all up to them. I don't care what they look like, or how they behave or who they are screwing, it is up to them. Even if they are currently trying to decide their identity, or go through several or are many identities.

And this is a pretty mild example, I can't imagine if I say, identified as male but wanted to keep my hair long. Or any other combination of not looking like how people want me to look? Egads.

I think we would all be happier if people just stayed out of other people's business unless invited to.

Comments

[wallwalker]

Who decided what gay looks like, anyway?

I've been wondering that for years. I don't understand why appearance (or the sound of one's voice) should matter. I thought it was all a matter of who you fancied. :/

[darcenciel]

I've never understood what appearance has to do with race, gender, or sexuality, but apparently other people seem to think that if you identify a certain way, you must dress a certain way.

It goes along with the "if you wear short skirts, you must be a slut" theory.

[ambersweet]

Clearly you can't wear skirts and be gay because the only reason women wear skirts is to attract THE MENZ, right?

*headdesk*

[cumuluscastle]

Yes to your last statement. I don't understand where these people come from either.

[zen_monk]

Pervasive stereotyping, I think. It gets so bad that even people who one would think would know better would still use subconsciously. So when someone uses stereotyping as a shorthand for what the person beholden might be like, then there are these expectations.

Kind of like politics; if I hear that someone is either a Liberal or a Conservative, I would sometimes wonder if the person would have these kinds of beliefs which would sometimes affect that person's lifestyle or manner. And then I make great efforts to not care about it.

[hamimi_fk]

I don't get any of that stereotyping either. It reminds of when I first actively started coming out to people and they would look at me all wide-eyed, shocked (and/or horrified), and say: 'But why? You're so beautiful! You could have any man you want!'

*facepalm* I wasn't aware that to be into the same sex, you had to be ugly. -.-; Stereotypes are ridiculous.