Cranky. Old. Man?

Last week was one of those weeks that was really intense and I'm glad I decided to not SUDDENLY TORONTO and do that to this week (half the cohort is in Toronto for a user experience convention). Job fair happened, which was very different from any other job fair I've ever done in that most of the people were legitimately looking for people in my program and we had to do a one-hour design challenge where the employers went around and questioned us and then watched us present our designs.

One company in particular interested me, as they are located where Ladyfriend lives, and they are small and dynamic and consulting-based, as opposed to being a large corporation simply maintaining products. Emailed after the job fair and got a pretty encouraging response; they are still deciding if they are going to take on an intern this summer, but the dude seemed interested in me. It didn't hurt that pretty much everyone in the cohort immediately thought that I would be perfect in this environment. Hopefully they are right!

This semester has noticeably more individual work, as we're not in Major Design Class, with some partnering up. It's not too bad. And one class is very artsy which is a lot of fun for me. In fact I took a lot of the pictures for my last assignment at Ohayocon. Hell I did two assignments and finished my web portfolio at Ohayocon. XD

Also tornadoes in January? What's up with that.

I cannot words. So much happening, so excited, so tired.

( so have some pictures instead )

Second project done, and I just aced an exam! I guess I'm not as shitty at absorbing information as I thought. Or I legit am focusing better. Either way I'm doing quite well, despite the last project not gelling quite as completely as the first one. Which is fine. Difficulties are how you learn.

I'm not going to talk about the details of the project much because well, they aren't really that exciting. It was more an experience in learning how to handle a bigger group, which I think on an inter-relations level we did fine, but maybe not on a actually getting things done level. Which was a good thing to learn, really. I'm more thankful for problems in this program than things running smoothly; you don't learn much if things go right, you learn from the things that go wrong so you can do it right. If you're getting it right the first time it's probably a fluke!

Things are going to start getting exciting for the class I assist with, as they are heading towards their project; building robots! On the 17th I get to teach my first lecture, which I am trying to think of ways to make exciting and informative. It will probably involve me taking prop weapons in and showing pictures of in-progress things from Senior Design and talking about glue and joints and things. It'll be fun!

Now Project 3 is working on re-conceptualizing TIME. Which is a big thing. We're narrowing in on what aspect of the problem we're trying to design for, so that's been a lot of fun.

I also got into a Slow Change Interaction Design research group, which aims to have all its members have a paper done enough to submit to publishers by the end of the school year. I'm thinking about focusing in on ways to help Women in Engineering/Tech/Science support organizations better support the women they are trying to reach and hopefully retain in their programs. At least that is the idea so far. I've gotten a surprising amount of early support from a couple of professors I've talked to about this, as this is something that especially the Women in Computing program here wants to improve on. So yay! Hopefully I won't be a complete mess trying to get this paper researched and written.

I start grad school classes tomorrow. I also have my first meeting with the professor I'm TAing for tomorrow as well.

My BFF from undergrad (it's weird saying that instead of just "college") came and visited this weekend and he works on some interesting stuff and there's things he wants to do past now and he may be moving to England for a couple years and I have to come visit and--

And we were just talking about they told us we were the ones that were gonna fail and were never going to do anything interesting. Where are your darlings now, undergrad professors? Widget makers? Maintaining systems that are gonna fail in a couple years anyway?

The gamble has worked for me. I can't say it was easy; I've taken some pretty crazy risks near continuously since I turned about 20. Seven years of uncertainty and stress and also wonder and amazement and happiness.

I have no idea where I'll be in two years and this actually doesn't scare me. Because I think I'll be alright. If I can offer one piece of advice it is to be completely honest with yourself; know what you want to do with your life. Know that it may change. Know that you have to be the change to make it happen. Know that you won't have all the answers right away.

I mean that sounds cheesy, but seriously. Be honest with yourself.

So this weekend I'm going to do a self photoshoot, like I did with my Daryl costume sometime back. I live a couple blocks from a university with super gothic architecture which I think would be a great setting for my Kuja costume, and also the students aren't all back yet so it'll be fairly quiet. As many amazeballs photographers and makeup superheroes as I know, there is something very satisfying about taking an idea through its entire conception; sewing the costume, doing the styling, taking the pictures. Hell, my Daryl pictures ended up in my grad school application portfolio, without any sort of shame because it really felt like my work.

I may be going through a phase right now where I am going to be pretentious and arty and really don't give a fuck. Engineering has more in common with art than it does with science a lot of the time. It was only a matter of time before I fell into it. I'm just keeping a realistic head on my shoulders and keeping on focusing on the career aspects of that.

I suppose AU me probably got into theater, and may have done awful performance art stuff. XD

I plan on starting several other costumes soon, and plan out others. Not all of them are for me, which is fun because only making stuff for myself can get a little limiting. I'm also admitting the costumes I really want to make for myself/my ladyfriend, because yeah.

Costumes I intend on making this year:

- Maria (FFII) for lassarina by March.
- V2 Lady Braska (FFX) for novel_machinist by January.
- Snake (999) for myself by January (all I need to do is make the jacket I have everything else).
- Yui (Angel Beats!) for myself and helping with Yuri for novel_machinist by January maybe?

Costumes I intend on starting research/acquiring materials for with the intent to make later:

- Amano Cid Highwind (FFVII) This is a thing that's been in my head for a while because I like patterns and beads and also making up shit as I go along... I'm doing research on WWI flight jackets in Russia and America to start out with. Cause I'm like that. Hopefully I can get a V1 done by a summer con.
- Pearl/Blackpearl (Legend of Mana) So ladyfriend has expressed interest in being my Blackpearl for this, and I know it will take me a couple years to do these costumes. Because seriously the concept art is complicated. But these are kind of my dream costumes that I just can't get out of my head because gorgeousness. And aside from Blackpearl's hammer they are entirely composed of stuff I like to work with--fabric and pretty bits. XD

Thankfully most of these are pretty straight forward, like the vest I made for ladyfriend's Zell costume--because um grad school. Aside from the fancy ones that I intend on taking some time with of course.

Heading off to Otakon today, so if you were waiting on me to do something or look at something, it's not happening. See y'all Monday.

the summer effect from cendri on 8tracks.

This has been a really weird summer. I mean, I've had a great time visiting people and it's hardly over and Sidekick still hasn't come to visit, and Otakon is about to happen but yeah. It's been weird.

I think I've spent this summer in a temporal state, waiting for things and then getting up off my ass when I start to get stir crazy. I've spent most of my weekends out of town or preparing to go out of town. Dropping down to part time has given me extra days that I typically actually use.

Still feel strangely lazy. Granted, record high temps mean that laying around inside means you don't die of heat stroke.

But it still feels like a really weird summer. XD Maybe I'll get out of this feeling of ennui soon. After all I have two costumes to finish and one to help with.

It leaves me with a feeling in the pit of my stomach. A bad one. One of my favorite things about watching roller derby is the culture around it, which means you'll see all sorts of people enjoying it. All sorts of woman-identifying (yes, it's in the bylaws that being trans* is fine and they don't do embarrassing investigations into it either) types play the sport. Huge ranges of ages, body types, backgrounds play roller derby.

But the men's team that came to play ours in an exhibition bout didn't look any different from any other men's sports team of a similar sort, except a few more tattoos and hipster facial hair. There was a sense that because they were men they also were taking it extra srs, and that before they arrived they weren't srs.

I don't mean to knock all men's sports, or men in general, but there was a disturbing uniformity to the men's team that the women's teams just don't have (well a Wisconsin team I saw once was pretty uniform, but I chalk that up to geography more than anything). There was a little camp to them, but not to the same level (no bootie shorts!) It was like watching pro sports. Nothing against those that watch them, but they are just really not my thing.

Maybe I worry that now that men's derby is starting to happen, the original women's derby won't be considered legit anymore. And there's a lot to roller derby that isn't just competition. There's a whole lot of identity spectrum just being out there and having fun being aggressive and then laughing it off afterwards and just.

Oh my complicated feelings.

Alright, so the three day weekend was glorious, and if I weren't so excited to be going to a Pride in an actual city I'd be a little bummed I wasn't getting another three day weekend to myself. I don't even miss the extra money, really (and considering how my work was so behind on getting me all of my PTO hours I'm essentially getting bonus monies this month). Clearly I really needed to dial the fuck back and take a chill pill.

I've been working on all sorts of non-computer dependent projects because it's been good for me. Have just the finishing construction work on a couple of aprons, and have all the fabric for my Kuja costume purchased though not cut out yet. I have a bolero pattern that I think I can turn into his shorty jacket. It's going to be interesting (but not terribly hard as I am not particularly endowed) finding a tasteful way to hide my chesticles.

Been watching The Legend of Korra (which has enough awesome outside of the stupid teen relationship drama they shoe-horned in for me to enjoy it, I mean LIN BEI FONG FUCK YEAH), listening to Garbage's Not Your Kind of People, and watching a lot of male-centric "relationship" movies as research for something I want to write (basically more of this).

And I've also been listening to a lot of my local radio station, which with the exception of some new songs here and there is essentially unchanged from when I was a teenager. This gives my days a weird sort of "summer effect" of them being endless in a way that is a little uncomfortable, considering that most of the summers of my youth were spent in my yard or my room, reading and then listening to Blue Mage whine on the phone about guys and making collages on my wall.

I may have to listen to other stations or start doing more things when I have time to myself. XD

THIS.

THIS.

THIS!

THIS IS MY COMPLETELY AMAZING FFEX GIFT.

MORE OF THIS, FFIV FANDOM, PLZ.